


Don't Tell the Bride

by TerminallyCapricious



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Dick Pics, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Wedding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-19 11:38:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2386961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerminallyCapricious/pseuds/TerminallyCapricious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray and Joel have been engaged for months and have gotten caught up in the popular television series "Don't Tell the Bride".<br/>Joel is given 3 weeks and $20,000 to plan every aspect of their wedding, and the couple isn't allowed to contact each other for that time.<br/>Can Joel successfully plan an entire wedding and avoid letting down his future... bride?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Three Weeks Before

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah idk where this came from... it was fun though :D  
> Also apparently multiple chapters, lol.
> 
> (Explicit rating for banging in later chapters)

"So, Mr Heyman, tell us about yourself." A female voice off-camera asks him.

"Hi, I'm uhh Joel Heyman; I work for an internet-based entertainment company called Rooster Teeth, and I've been engaged to Ray for 10 months." Joel is sitting up straight on his home couch, camera in his face, his fiance sitting beside him.

"And you, Mr Narvaez?" The woman asks, the camera shifting to center on Ray.

Ray reaches over to hold Joel's hand before he replies. "My name is Ray Narvaez Jr. I also work for Rooster Teeth and I like long walks on the beach and reading by candlelight." He laughs.

"No you don't!" Joel chuckles, jokingly indignant. "He likes staying in to play video games and watch tv."

The woman chuckles a little and launches into her next question, "And how do the two of you feel about being the first same-sex couple to be featured on this show?"

The two share a smile and Ray answers for them, "I think we know each other pretty well, and I don't think there's a lot Joel could do to 'ruin' our wedding day." He kisses the older man on the cheek before adopting a more sarcastic tone. "But you know what they say about gays ruining the sanctity of marriage..."

 

~

Ray and Joel try to put on happy faces as the cameras film them hugging goodbye; they kiss repeatedly and part ways, not even pretending that they're ok with being apart for 3 weeks. Ray climbs into Michael's car as he'll be staying with him for the next few weeks, winding down the window and waving as they drive off.

Joel watches them leave and, not two seconds later, another car pulls in his driveway. "This'll be my best man..." Joel sighs to the camera.

Burnie climbs out of his car, nods to the cameras, slings an arm around Joel's shoulders and they walk inside.

 

"So Mr Burns, what's it like being Joel's best man?" The host asks him while Joel is out of the room, getting them drinks.

"Firstly, call me Burnie. Secondly, I've worked with Joel for a long time, and known him even longer than that; if there's anyone who can put up with him for 3 weeks and still be actively helpful, it'd be me." Burnie laughs and relaxes on the couch.

Joel returns with everyone's drinks and pulls out a piece of paper from his back pocket, addressing both Burnie and the camera. "So I've got a list here of possible venues around the Austin area that I want us to start checking out tomorrow." Burnie nods attentively as he sips his drink, signalling for Joel to continue. "I was thinking indoors, but open for the ceremony. Like big open windows and shit, and then the same but smaller, more... country-ish for the reception, yeah?"

Burnie nods and sets down his drink, "And everything you've got on this list fits that description?"

"Well, no, but you gotta keep your options open... and it's not like some fancy-ass church would be a disaster anyway." Joel laughs and they stand to get Burnie's bags out of his car. They agreed Burnie would be staying in Joel and Ray's house so he's accessible whenever Joel or the camera crew need him.

"So how did Ray take to being the 'bride' on this show?" Burnie laughs loudly. "There's no way he took it laying down."  
"Well, honestly, all I had to do was make enough jokes about.... other things he _takes lying down_... if you catch my drift." Joel wiggled his eyebrows and Burnie snorted.

"Damn, man, you'd better not be making those jokes for three more fucking weeks or I swear to god, you're on your own."

"Umm, guys!" The female voice of their host calls from behind them, "You can make... crass... jokes if you want, but all the swears have to be bleeped out, just so you know..."

"Well then I sure feel sorry for your bleep guy, we're not exactly used to censorship of our daily cussing; but we'll be good, promise!"

 

~

"Holy fucking mother of shitting- GOD DAMN HELL FUCK." Joel yelled as he ran from the kitchen table to run his hand under cold water. He and Burnie had been working on the invitations, deciding to give them a special flair with home-made wax seals. "Jesus fucking shit tits that really fucking hurts."

Burnie laughed at Joel and addressed the camera, "I am really, really sorry for your censor guy- SHIT" Burnie's lack of attention to the job caused him to pour part of the hot wax on his arm. "That hurts like a fucking bitch motherfucker!" He clasped at his forearm and curled in on himself. "JOEL, YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE AND I'M A FUCKING SAINT AND THE BEST FRIEND YOU'RE EVER GOING TO FUCKING HAVE!" He called out over his shoulder.

"You know how people cry at their wedding?" Joel sits back at the table. "I think I might just do all the crying now and get it over with."  
"I might too, fucking hurts enough..."

 

~

Burnie and Joel were walking down the side of the road, accomplishment setting their spirits high; the day before they'd booked 2 venues that fit Joel's description perfectly.

The ceremony would be in a large hall on the outskirts of Austin, the interior- appropriately- painted white, and with large, clean, glass windows that would be opened as per Joel's request. The hall was air conditioned and the man was thanking his lucky stars; wedding nerves plus the Austin heat would have him sweating so hard he'd need a spare suit.

The reception location was a small B&B just a short way down the road; the dinner would be held inside a quaint little dining room made of warm-looking wood, with an adjacent patio that would be converted into a dance floor. All in all, it was big enough to fit their guests, but the decor and setting made the place feel warm and intimate. Joel had booked a room there for himself and Ray that evening, knowing they wouldn't be leaving on their honeymoon until the evening of the day after.

 

And so now they were on the hunt for wedding rings, a job that Burnie honestly wasn't looking forward to for one good reason.

"The thing about the gold market is that retailers never know a staged price increase created by the distributers collaborating to get more for a stock that isn't actually declining in supply." Joel rambled on. "And while it's pretty cool that they can pull that off, it means that I'm in the damn loss as a customer."  
He thankfully stopped talking as they entered the store, though Burnie could tell her wanted to comment on the market to the sales woman who rushed to their side.

 

They left the store after a- thankfully- short encounter, two simple gold bands in a solid bag from the store which Joel quickly handed to Burnie, causing him to give the older man a slightly confused look.

Joel hesitated before elaborating. "M-Maybe you should take those home for safe-keeping... the next thing I need is kind of umm... intimate." Joel pulled out, from his pocket, the list of basic wedding necessities that the show's crew had given him.

 

**NEEDS:**

~~-invitations~~

~~\- ceremony and reception venue~~

~~\- rings~~

\- bridal undergarments

\- music/entertainment

\- suits

\- bride/groom party outfits

\- food

\- flowers

\- centerpiece and other decorations

 

Burnie took the list from Joel and read the next item down, raising an eyebrow. "Do you really- uhh need to, though? I mean it's not like he needs a special bra that goes with a wedding dress; and I'm sure he could just wear regular boxers or something."

Joel flushed bright red, took the list back from Burnie and rubbed his neck with his spare hand. "W-Well... I uhh, umm-"  
"Joel, you kinky fucker." Burnie chuckled darkly, cutting him off. "Go get your boy toy some pretty panties or whatever, fucking craddle-robber."

Joel waved as Burnie left to go home, half the camera crew going with him, the other half staying with Joel. The older man was suddenly so aware of the fact that a discussion about panties for his boyfriend would be televised.

 

Joel had located a store in a nearby mall that sold underwear, pausing at the entrance, his face clearly showing he had had a wicked idea.

Joel winked to the camera as he handed over the money to pay for the white pair of lacy, feminine panties, before leaving the store with a conspiratory smirk on his face; his plan had only just begun...

 

~

 Burnie rolled his eyes, "You've  _got_ to have a bachelor's party, Joel."

"Yeah, but do I have to have one of those typical ones? I'm getting married to a guy, I think I can live without a pair of tits being shoved in my face." Joel sighed, relaxing on his couch with a beer after a hard day of wedding planning.

"Then we can go to a male strip club!" Burnie offered.  
"Do you have any idea how many straight men will be coming to this thing? Because it's like.. a lot."

"How about a regular bar then?"  
Joel sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose, thinking over Burnie's offer, "Sure, fine, sounds like a lovely old time."  
"Jesus, someone's allergic to fun."

Joel sighs and sinks further into his chair, face unhappy.

Burnie looks to his friend, "Miss him already?"

Joel frowns at himself, "Yeah. It's only been like 3 days, though. Jesus, I'm weak... send help, the next few weeks are going to kill me." He lightly laughed.

Burnie rolled his eyes, "No need to be melodramatic, you're starting to sound like a bride." Burnie stops and turns to the camera. "If he gets really girly, is he allowed to tag team with Ray and become the bride for this thing or no?"

That got Joel to laugh, full and deep. Maybe planning a wedding wouldn't be so hard...


	2. Two Weeks Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cameras focus on Ray as the time ticks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I'm updating this again weee

"So Mr Narvaez, what kind of wedding are you hoping for?"

Ray thinks over the question and tries to avoid looking directly to the camera. "Well I'm more hoping for a certain kind of wedding night, honestly." Ray winks exaggeratedly to the camera, pauses and looks behind his shoulder, double-checking that none of his friends were around. "I don't know much about weddings, you know, but I think something outside would be nice. But I guess I wouldn't put it past him to get a big church and have a traditional sort of thing... not that that would be a total disaster!"

Michael and Lindsay enter the room and plop down on the couch either side of him, nodding to the camera.

"And how would you feel if he got you a wedding gown?" The host asked Ray.

Ray felt his jaw drop and could hear Michael and Lindsay snickering. "I- I- uhh... why do you ask? Are you saying that this is a thing he's considering? Oh my god there's no way he would... would he?" His voice turns questioning and slightly panicked.

"Dude," Michael shook off the giggles first. "I'm sure he wouldn't be that dumb... probably." Ray groaned and held his head in his hands. "And I mean we're gonna go and see him next week for our outfits, worst comes to worst we can punch his face in then."

Ray's head comes up as he chuckles too. "Well if he does, he'd better think hard about it; I can't exactly wear a white one if you know what I mean." He raises his eyebrows and nudges Michael who groans in response.

Lindsay wraps an arm around his shoulders and gives him a comforting pat. "Look, I know you're on edge, but you know Joel's capable; you just gotta focus on being pretty for the day!"

Ray sighs and tries to keep his dignity as best he can. "I just... I miss him, you know?"

  
"Fucking cry about it..." Michael gets a slap on the arm from his own wife for his comment.

"Oh!" Ray starts and looks to address the camera and the host. "Later this week, my friend Tina and I are going on a trip to New York for a few days, so that'll be fun!"

 

~

The camera crew had packed up and left a few hours ago, Michael and Lindsay had gone to sleep and Ray was lying wide awake in the guest bedroom. He and Tina would be leaving the next afternoon and Ray knew he needed sleep but... more than a week away from his fiance had left him... pent up.

Ray's hand slid over the fabric of his boxers, slowly rubbing and cupping himself, his breathing picked up a little. He chewed at his lower lip and felt himself grow fully hard surprisingly quickly, he chalked it up to going a full week and a half without... Joel...

He sucked hard on three of his fingers, memory conjuring up a picture of the cock he'd sucked to completion almost countless times, the cock he'd ridden while clawing at the older man's shoulders, Joel's name rolling effortlessly off his tongue between his other screams of pleasure.

The thoughts alone made it difficult for Ray to keep in the moans that he knew would wake up Lindsay and Michael a few rooms over. However, he did let out a low, needy whine as he slipped off his boxers and inserted the first finger. His eyes screwed shut as the embarrassing, painful stretch hit. He acknowledged that it would feel so much better if they weren't his own fingers, or if he had the proper lubrication. 

As he worked in the second finger, Ray's eyes flitted over to his phone, he knew they weren't meant to communicate but surely this wouldn't count...

 

Ray kneeled on the carpet in front of the full-length mirror in the room, his legs spread as he worked his fingers into himself from behind. He held his phone up and angled to get himself in the frame, Ray rocked his hips down, stroking along his prostate and letting his face fall into an expression of pleasure as he pressed the shutter button.

Reviewing the picture, he smirked at the thought of just how many boners this was going to cause. He sent the picture via text, put his phone down and continued rocking back on his fingers, his spare hand coming up to loosely grasp around his cock.

Ray bounced onto his own hand with a rhythm he knew well, consciously bearing down, despite the fact he wasn't filled with Joel's cock. His head fell forward and he let out a tiny whimper as he stopped bouncing and just stroked repeatedly over the spot inside him that made the heat pool in his stomach. His hand around his cock tightened for half a second before he was interrupted by his phone buzzing against the carpet. Unlocking it excitedly, Ray was greeted with a text from Joel.

He quickly downloaded the picture and relocated back onto the bed, casually grinding his leaking erection down onto the sheets. Ray lay on his stomach, his fingers still slowly working himself open and his free hand tried to open the file.

He let out a low groan that was difficult to keep quiet when the picture showed a waist-down view of his fiance lying on his back, one of his big hands seeming unimpressive as it wrapped around the base of his- certainly impressive- rock-hard dick. Ray licked his lip and fucked himself harder, eyes trained on the delicious cock; the long vein that Ray loves to trace with the tip of his tongue is visible and he can feel his mouth watering at the precum beading at the head.

Ray bites his abused bottom lip and is barely successful in staying quiet as his hips buck back onto his hand and he rocks his dick against the sheets, coming hard and thinking of his fiance. He props himself up on his hands and knees and assesses the mess he's made, an idea forming in his head. He turns on the selfie camera and gets a good shot of him licking up his own cum, his expression innocently naughty and his eyes half lidded.

It's not half a minute after he sends the picture before he gets one in return, an image of Joel's fingers covered in his cum; god knows Ray wouldn't mind licking him clean right now...

 

~

Tina showed up the next morning around midday, a suitcase in tow, along with a small white box with a delicate and intricate bow. "Oh Raayyy~" She called out as Lindsay let her in. "I have a present from the grooooom~"  
She heard heavy footsteps running down the stairs and she shot a sweet smile to the nearest camera.

"Did someone say present?" The man with ginger curls rounds the corner from the kitchen.  
"Fuck off, Michael, it's for Ray." Tina shot his hopes down quickly and hugged the skinny puerto rican who skidded to an excited stop in front of her. "Present delivery from the groom!"  
"Oh man, sweet, I wonder what he got me." Ray carefully removed the ribbon and opened the box, only to be greeted by delicate white fabric. He pulled it out of the box and stretched it out, holding it up before him and blushing a little when he discovered he was staring at the front of a pair of panties.

Michael, who stood in front of him, burst out into hysterics and braced a hand on Lindsay's shoulder.   
"Come on, man, it's not  _that_ funny..." Ray crumpled them up in his hand, his blush only getting stronger.

"Dude no, holy fuck, look at the back!" The jersey man was close to tears, Lindsay quivering with held-back laughter beside him.

Ray turned the fabric over in his hand until he say some hot pink markings on the ass. Stretching it out again, he read the words out loud.

"Property of Joel Heyman." Ray launches into his own laughter, grabbing Michael by the shoulder and bringing a hand up to cover his mouth and hide his ugly laughter from the camera. The reality of the situation hits him and his laugh slows down quickly. "Is... is he serious? Holy fuck, am I really going to be wearing these? I'll be pledging my eternal love and devotion to him and my ass will say 'Property of fucking Joel Heyman'..." Ray lets out a chuckled sigh and addresses the camera. "Fuck it, yolo, right?"

 

~

Ray and Tina sit on the plane, her playing with his nails and him looking out the window as they made small talk. 

  
_(The argument for window seat had had been an epic for the ages:_

_"It's my pre-wedding trip, I should get the window seat."_   
_"It was my idea in the first place! Besides, you get to get married in a week, that's way better than a window seat!"_   
_"Well maybe if you found a husband, you old spinster!"_   
_"First of all, how dare you. Secondly, you can have the damned window seat on the way back."_   
_"No I can't! You know we gotta give Mama Narvaez that seat, we're the ones dragging her to damned Texas"_   
_"Well maybe if you weren't getting married, we wouldn't have to!"_

_In the end, his ticket did technically have the window seat number on it. "Don't want to screw up the staff in the case of an emergency, do we, Tina?" He'd gotten a punch to the arm.)_

 

"So are you going to learn how to dance?" Tina mused. "I mean it's not like you have time together to coordinate a big first-dance, but the scope of your talent right now is probably the Safety Dance..."  
"I resent that," Ray piped up, his voice low so as to not disturb the other flyers. "I can do the Macarena... and some bits of Gangnam Style."

"So you're all set then?" The sarcasm was heavy in her voice. "I know the foxtrot, that's a wedding-y dance, I'll teach you tonight, yeah?"

"I'm not a furry, Tina."  
"Wh- oh, foxtrot, ha, I get it."  
  


~

"We should go to Wall Street." Ray mentioned idly as they waited for their luggage.

"And why in the hell would we do that?" Tina questioned. "Do you miss Joel, and think that hanging around a huge crowd of boring 40-year-olds talking about the economy will make you feel better?"  
"Yeah pretty much" He laughed. "Do you think if I whore myself out on a nearby street corner I can find one that looks like him? Do you think he'd hug me? Do people hug prostitutes, Tina?"  
"I don't know, Ray, maybe you should find out; I'll help you write the research paper when you're done." She scoffed. "Do you think there's any danger of you running off with this new guy and marrying him and staring on a TV show again? Because I really don't think I could handle that."

 

They had gotten their luggage and were waiting for a cab when Tina was struck by an idea. "So do you want to have your bachelor party here, or back in Austin?"

Ray had to think about that one for a second. "I don't know, if I have it here, then the guys can't laugh at me and I'm not in danger of embarrassing myself in front of harmless civilians I see every day." He paused, "On the downside, it's not really a party with just you, me and my mom."

"Got it, so we go to a stripclub here and then we have a real party back home! Best of both worlds!" She was excited.

Ray laughed and opened up the boot to the cab that had pulled up in front of them, throwing their suitcases inside. "I don't know if I'm all that into boobs covered in glitter right now... I've gone like 2 whole weeks without dick and I've got a craving."

Tina laughed in reply, "Dude stripclub it is!"

Ray flushed... but was totally down with it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man look it's earning its rating even earlier than I expected... I couldn't help myself ;3

**Author's Note:**

> Idk how long this is going to be... I have notes for 3 chapters, it'll probably end up as 4, but it's too early to say.
> 
> (Plus I'm also super tempted to do a part 2 to the series for their honeymoon)


End file.
